Alone

I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm going mental. I just don't understand what is wrong with me. There are always people around me, people who are always trying to get me to do things for them, or go places with them with them. I'm totally surrounded by people who drain my strength. They are total leeches. They say they love me, they say that they care, they always want to be around me. But if things don't go their way, they act like total baby's, pouting around like they expect somebody else to fix everything for them. They can't take responsibility for their own actions. It's like they are living in a completed fantasy world. They live like, they can do whatever the hell they feel like, and then when the consequences sneak up to bite them in the butt, they expect me to make it better.

How can a logical person stay sane in a group of people like that? The thing is I try to surround myself with people who are not like that. But somehow the insane freaks are always finding a way to catch me off guard. And the normal sane people in my life get pushed to the side by them. They are like poison in your feigns. When you go to the doctor & they clean your blood, if they miss just the slightest bit it just infects your whole body again. The problem is that I am married to one of them, & he attracts more. The problem with these people is that once you have one attatched to you they attract the hordes of others. And everyone of them are trying to drain you of your life's blood. And slowly you are dying. Deteriorating before the eyes of the world.

They chase away any sane people in your life, & take you hostage in your own space. Then you are left alone to fight for your own sanity. I am so alone. Maybe its not them that chase away the sane people. Maybe it's me trying to save them from the same miserable fate.

You can't open up to tell anyone abut what you are dealing with either. Because as soon as you do, the people you are trying to open up to think that you must be making this up, just trying to make the others look worse than they are, in turn making yourself look worse than THEM. Because nobody wants to be around people who complain about seemingly nice people.

I hate my life, & I don't care if anybody reading this thinks I'm being whinny. This is the only outlet I have to be heard & express myself fully & openly.