dilemma

I am feeling down today. I just feel like I am trapped, and I do not know if I will ever be free to live my life normal again. I would not feel so trapped, if I knew that my kids were not so well guarded against everything that has been going on between their dad and I all these years. I have learned how to keep a good face on all my hurts and pains. I am an enabler. When my husband has done things to hurt or wound me, I would act like it was all ok in front of others in order to keep a scene from being made. including in front of my children.
Now that I am willing to stand and fight, I don't think there is a way that I can make my children understand. I don't think that they would believe me if I tried to explain. I think it would be better if I just live and fight how I feel I need to and then let them figure it out later, after I am seen as the bad guy. I am too tired physically from trying to figure out how to explain to them how miserable I am, and how much I cannot stand their dad. I can't just stay here and allow him to keep me and them trapped, while he continues to play his mind games, and works on further controlling and brainwashing me and my children.
I don't know. If you have any ideas of how to solve my dilemma (based on the limited info. you have) I would love to hear them.