Loss of true love

All I want is him. He is the reason I was thought of. By him is where I should be. But I cant, because beside him is she.
Why, I wonder. She can't understand him the way I can, can't love him the way he needs, can't give him her total self.
He settles for less, when there is so much more God has supplied for him.
Yet there she is a new one. Still, only giving little of herself, in exchange for his own life's blood. She slowly chips away his spiritual being. He doesn't even know the value of what is being taken from him, barley knows that anything is taken at all.
And still there is a new one, another taker. Taking shopping sprees, taking trips to the movies, gold, diamonds, more than that, parts of his inner self, yet only willing to trade one moment of pleasure, in return for more of her own indulgences.
while all the time I stand by him a true friend, and confidant, just wanting to be near him, just to hear his voice, just to be able to rejoice when he rejoices, just to cry with him when he hurts, to care weather or not the vultures pick him off piece by piece. I cannot tell him how much I care, or how much I long to be SO much more than just his friend.
He is older than I. He is not interested in little girls.
He has his eyes on all the glitz & glamour. He doesn't understand that behind the mask is the wolf waiting to rip through his flesh.
But from me, he will not hear it, besides what wisdom could this little girl hold?
There she is, yet another, tearing away at his spirit man, wearing him down, weakening him, to the verge of death. She now holds his precious child.
As a king, remembering his place of honor, feeling the faint stirrings of his beaten spirit, he struggles to recover some strand of integrity.
Realizing his part in this real life drama, he tries to do what is right to restore the dignity of child & mother, and he takes his place beside them.
I love him more for doing so. I give him support & encouragement to do what is right. I am his friend. My soul cries out in pain......"Tell him". I do...I love you..., I am his friend...., He loves me too....,I am his friend.
So here I stand with my heart bleeding, cut out of me, my soul mourning. But I stand strong, His friend, with hope of great things in his future. Continuing to believe in him, praying that God will guide his path to a bigger & better life, blessing him with all things good....And for myself death....

No time to waste

I feel like there is never enough time, to get anything done. I have been constantly running around doing stuff for other people. I know that I should not be so selfish, but I never have time for myself. It seems like that I am always volunteering my time, but never getting any for myself, or my family. I know that I have to put up boundaries & learn to tell people no, & I do a lot. But when I do people treat me like I'm being a real bitch. What, do they expect me to be supergirl or something? Anyway, enough of the poor little me flash. I may write more later when I have had enough time to get over myself.

First time to blog

This is the first time ever for me to express myself, or "expose" myself to the world like this. I kind of feel naked. I'm a very private person normally. It seems like, I can never express myself well enough. People either misinterpret what I have said, or how I have reacted to a situation. Maybe it is just because I am reading too deep into things, or vise-versa.
Am I the only one who feels this way? I would like to know that I am not the only one.

well.. I guess I should share a little about myself. But I just don't trust this setup well enough, to share just yet. Maybe I will another time, when I am feeling a little more brave. Which I will. I have my timid times & outrageous ones too. Sometimes I'm observant & sometimes I just have to blab. Hence: girl dark, girl light.